I wrote a little on Instagram about being without Hayden. We’ve been pretty inseperable the 4 ish years we’ve known each other, even when he went on tour he was never that far away. I knew exactly when he was coming home. But with the Lockdown uncertainty is everyones play mate right now. I’m not enjoying it at all. My mood is low, lots of things annoy me. I’m sleeping all the time, but am always tired. I’m filling my time. Creating photos for The Curly Haired Girl and for Instagram, working on my island on Animal Crossing, painting, doing workouts I find online. Anything to pass the time. Any time I stop i feel a wave of tears come to the surface. I’m sure it’s not depression or saddness but more a lack of control. I have not control over what I eat everyday, how I spend my days, I can’t go anywhere, I’ve not even driven in over 2 weeks. I’m someone we enjoys being independent, being able to come and go as I please. I like a routine I set myself.
What’s your telephone manner like? Do you put on a voice? I know I do. I become super formal and “posh” and say sentences with overly complex words in them. I do this more when I answer the phone for work. My mum becomes the queen when she talks on the phone. So boarding school posh it’s adorable.
Daily phone calls when you are apart from your loved ones are really hard. When you are used to being next to someone to not have that any more really effects you. Hayden and I have started talking on the phone every evening. Mostly about Animal Crossing but also checking in with each other. Keeping each other up to date with our emotions and thoughts for the day. But to have a phone call is precious. I would really go to a dark place if I had to wait for letters in to post. Thank god for the telephone. Feeling greatful to be connected to Hayden, even if it is just his little avatar on Animal Crossing and a phone call. He’s more precious to me than ever before. I can’t wait till lockdown is lifted and we are able to leave our homes. To have chats over coffee and laugh about things and eat a burger together.
Bolder aesthetic than usual, working on my motivation to create still. Bright pink liquid eyeliner from L’Oreal, neon green nail polish from Dior makeup “rush hour”.
Working on creativity while in isolation with my parents and grandma. The theme of this shoot was ‘sheets’. I really couldn’t find my creativity with this theme. It could be the current viral situation or just me getting in the way of myself. Anyway, I played around with the sheet for a while, wearing it, a la Roman costume, getting inside it for a dystopian bedroom photo. But nothing was working. I thaught I’d just leave it there. But that would be defeatist and really not who I am. So I moved the laundry basket and other things that didn’t work in the photo from the area and set about creating these shots. I used the ladder that’s normally in the space as my tripod ( I don’t have one, so unless Hayden takes my photos they are just propped up on various things) Ticked over to self timer and spent my time getting these movement shots. I love the simplicity of them. Wearing what I was that day, my hair in the most ridiculous top knot. I tided a few towels on the shelves to make it a little more aesthetic.
TROUSERS – DOROTHY PERKINS (old) | JUMPER – H&M | SHEET – TKMAXX
Just Bunny and I laying in bed thinking about shit and getting philosophical together.
DRESS – H&M | BUNNY -TY
Meet Bunny, my childhood companion. I’ve never gendered Bunny so can’t really say “he” means a lot to me, or “she” got me through some interesting times. Bunny is just Bunny. Bunny used to have a voice (thanks mum) but over the years Bunny has become silent but in some ways has spoken to me more.
Inspired to be more creative inside as I try and keep myself (asthmatic) and my mother (parkinson’s) as safe as possible. I saw a photo on Instagram of a lady lying on the edge of the bed with a bear next to her. The concept really interested me and I wanted to recreate it with Bunny. I also wish in some way that Bunny was actually Hayden. I miss him so much at the moment. We are making efforts to keep everyone safe and reducing the amount of time we spend with each other. It’s hard. If we lived together right now it would be fine but keeping a distance from your love is difficult. I did see Hayden through the porch door this afternoon. Congratulating him on finishing his first placement.