Comparing, Compromise and Confidence

A post in the parts

Compare – ‘to examine two objects in order to note similarities and differences’.
Is it natural to compare myself to others constantly? Noticing where my friends succeed in comparison to my failers? The continuous notion of feeling a lesser version of myself based on an outward portrayal of others. This is easily manifested in social media. Watching people I digitally admire galavant around the world through my phone screen. Does this enrich my life or more importantly my personal well being?
In so few a words. Yes.

Knowing where I sit in the world is comforting, comparing yourself, if done right, motivates me to achieve and succeed. Does it matter that my friends have finished university at 22 and I still have a year left at 24? No. It matters that I am at university doing what I love and we are in the same position of working out where we stand in the world together.
Comparing yourself to be like someone else is a waste of time. You will never be that person. So don’t waste your time trying to be. Be inspired or motivated by your comparisons, but be who you are. Find your interests and use them to your advantage. In primary school, I used to get bullied for wearing clothes I loved. I questioned my choices and actions and tried to fit in with the ‘popular people’. Even after these modifications, I was still me but in the wrong body. I wanted to wear my favourite clothes but wore what everyone else had, and was still picked this time for trying to fit in. I learnt from my mum that if you can’t join them beat them. I wore exactly what I wanted and stopped comparing myself to people who aren’t my peers.
I compare.

Compromise.
Compromise – ‘acceptance of standards that are lower than is desirable’.
I hold myself to the highest standards, on purpose because I know my capabilities. I’ve always known what I’ve wanted and stuck up for it. I don’t compromise, my personal feelings or my outward emotions. If I’m pissed off, you’ll know.
that saying ‘If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all’. Is total rubbish, if you’ve been hurt, pissed off, or mad as hell, let it be known. Shout from the roof tops. My voice won’t be quashed by being polite, I won’t compromise for the benefit of not hurting you when you have hurt me.
I won’t compromise.

Confidence
‘the feeling or belief that one can have faith in or rely on someone or something’.
Having confidence within in yourself comes with time, I’ve learnt that the hard way. I was never confident in my capabilities, knowledge, personality, any part of my life. I was a shell of who I was meant to be. That awkward teen stage hit me hard. I retreated within myself. I felt like everyone was so together and charming, yet I couldn’t string a sentence together in front of a stranger. Then I got my first job, working in a clothing shop and earning some pocket money gave me freedom and confidence to do things I’d have never done before. The unattainable was now within grasp. A Lulu Guinness bag I had wanted for months was my first purchase when I got paid, it cleared my account but it didn’t matter. I had this bag and nothing could stop me. The bag was symbolic of my arrival into myself. My confidence came from a purchase that meant something to me and it just went from there. I tried new things and sucked at most of them, then tried more, made friends had adventures. not I can crack jokes and be charming in front of strangers and not care.
I am confident.

I WORE

Dress- Miss Suki | Jeans – Primark | Shoes – Dr Martens | Bag – Stella McCartney | Earrings – ( old sorry) sunglasses – Forever21 (old)